1. |
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South Wales only hardcore band
Doing Christmas 'cause we can
South Wales only hardcore band
It's part of our master plan
South Wales only hardcore band
Making Christmas number one
South Wales only hardcore band
We're not a joke this isn't fun
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2. |
Carol Of The Bell Ends
00:33
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“Ding Flipping Dong”
(ad infinitum)
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3. |
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You better not shit
You better not cunt
You better not fuck
I’m telling you why (oh why's that?)
Santa Claus is coming
To cunt.
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4. |
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Santa isn't real but ISIS is
Santa isn't real but cancer is
Santa isn't real and the Tooth Fairy is a cunt
Santa isn't real but Facebook is
Santa isn't real but grooming is
Santa isn't real and the Easter Bunny is a cunt
Please play this song to your kids
The world is dark as fuck
They need to be prepared for modern living
The world is so fucked up
(Santa isn't real, he's just a Redman in your dreams. He's made up by your parents, 'cause they don't love you, they just love lies.)
Santa isn't real but dog shit is
Santa isn't real but hardcore is
Santa isn't real but dog shit is
Please play this song to your kids
The world is dark as fuck
They need to be prepared for modern living
The world is so fucked up
'Cause the world is full of cunts
Mate
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5. |
Minor Treat
01:25
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25 shitty chocolates
Why do I love them so?
It's the best part of Christmas
Leading up to...
The fucking main event (hey, hey, hey hey)
It's just, a minor treat
It's just, a minor treat
Not just, for all the girls and boys
It's just a minor treat
A minor treat
Even though no one knows it
They fucking love them too
It's the best part of Christmas
Leading up to...
The fucking main event (hey, hey, hey hey)
It's just, a minor treat
It's just, a minor treat
Not just, for all the girls and boys
It's just a minor treat
A minor treat
...And everybody knows that Santa Claus really hates Christmas
It's the only day he's gotta go to work
It's just, a minor treat
It's just, a minor treat
Not just, for all the girls and boys
It's just a minor treat
A minor treat
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6. |
Christmas On The Beach
01:11
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Christmas on the beach
Christmas on the beach
At Christmas time way across the sea
The weather is nice so we have Christmas on the beach
We don't stay indoors, we not at all bored
Unless of course you’re talking about a surf board
Lay on the sand, cocktail in hand
Diddely Ding Dong Probably are rocking a de band stand
Wear sun glasses, the sun dem shine
Have a glance around at all the bums and schmeckles
We don't like turkey, it tastes like pubes
Get on the beach and light up the barbecue
Break out the lobster, the Christmas lobster
And add mo' fire and burn so we can all have...
Christmas on the beach
The only present you need is a tube of sun cream
Christmas on the beach
All the lickle elves are collecting shells
Christmas on the beach
The pigs in blankets are covered in sand
Christmas on the beach
Here comes Santa the paedo he’s wearing red Speedos
Christmas on the beach
They do it in Australia, ding dong’s not afraid of ya
Christmas on the beach
Yes
Christmas on the beach
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7. |
Red Cunt
00:51
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I don't give a fuck what you're bringing me,
stay the fuck away from my chimney.
No I will not leave you milk and cookies,
I'll kill you dead if you step on my property.
Red cunt....Fuck you. x 3
Redman....Fuck you.
Stay away kids don't sit on his jolly knee.
What do I want for Christmas? (Stay the fuck away from me).
You overwork your reindeers, animal cruelty,
you don't pay the elves, slave labour comes for free.
Red cunt....Fuck you. x 4
Fuck off Santa, fuck off Santa, fuck off Santa, fuck off Santa, cunt.
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8. |
Magical For The Kids
00:40
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There's no lights, no Christmas lights in Neath
Ah mate what it was, we were gonna have them but ah mate what it was
There's no lights, no Christmas lights in Neath
Why?
There's no lights, no Christmas lights in Neath
Please.
There's no lights, no Christmas lights in Neath
Shut up
Briton Ferry got Christmas lights
Even Fairyland has got Christmas lights but
There's no lights no Christmas lights in Neath
Honest now it is literally ridiculous, 'cause like, you gotta have the lights 'cause town will have to be magical for the kids.
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9. |
Concerned About Santa
02:34
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I've got some concerns about Santa
I don't think he's long for this world
He keeps eating far too much sugar
Left out by the boys and the girls
I'm actually starting to wonder
If he wants to indulge then explode
Go out in a Big Bang like thunder
A slave to the children no more
I've got some concerns about Santa
I don't know why he feels the need
To treat his wife and his helpers like peasants
When all that they want is to please
And when Mrs. Claus tries to leave him
She finds she's got nowhere to go
Abandoned and lost in her silence
No heroes up by the North Pole
Santa, Take a long look at yourself
What have you become?
Redman, You used to be someone to trust
We loved you so much
But you made, your fortune from trafficking elves
You do not treat them well
There’s no need, to push Mrs. Claus down the stairs
Stop saying she fell, stop it.
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10. |
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Smash Up The Grotto
The Christmas Grotto x 3
Nah mate nah, what it was, we’re all just victims of circumstance. Basically a fracas between friends spilled upon the grotto, there was no malice. No one said “oh let’s smash up the grotto, the Christmas grotto” What? chain eating ecstasy tablets? Your beloved CCTV operatives are ill-informed. If anyone did that they’d be dead mate, They’re mint imperials officer I still have some left would you like one they're good for digestion.
Smash Up The Grotto
The Christmas Grotto x 4
We’re the police, we’re the police
get in the back of the van x 3
And pay your 80 pound fine
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11. |
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Every year is the same
You queue up to buy shit for twats
They make you a tool of Babylon
It’s time to stop this bollocks
Boycott, fuck Christmas x 4
St. nicked my stuff, St. nicked my stuff
Happy Jesus day x 2
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12. |
Shit Present
01:26
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When it’s Christmas time and you get a shit present
And you have to fake a smile 'cause the whole room's watching
It’s really fucking hard I don’t want to seem ungrateful
It’s the same every year, and man I’ve had a fuck full
You say thank you very much through your teeth though they’re gritted
I’ve got a lot of time for the sweater that you've knitted
It’s only now another six months before I throw it away
And I will throw it away
So we’re all gathered round with these people that we hate
We’ve had our Christmas fong and we’re forced to celebrate
I don’t see them all year now I’m sitting on my floor
They’ve overstayed their welcome one more present time to go
So you open up the paper just to see what it is
But it is a pile of shit so you throw it in the bin
I wouldn’t even get a pound for it on eBay
A pound on eBay
And I’m sick of charades and I’m bored of board games
If this was someone else’s house it’d be engulfed in flames
I want to play hungry hippos and cwtch my dog
I don’t want to share my yule tide log
They’re eating all my food and they’re shitting in my toilet
I want to have some fisticuffs I fear that it would spoil it
I’m a prisoner in my house now I wish they’d die
Did I just say die?
Yes I did.
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13. |
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It's my favourite time of year
I can eat whatever I want
I can drink until I am blind
You can't judge it's Christmas time
It's my favourite time of year
I can eat whatever I want
I can drink until I am blind
I've got Christmas on my mind
Chocolate Orange, After Eights.
Smashing Baileys, smoking straights.
Pigs in blankets, three bird roast.
Lidls fizzy champagne toast.
Jacobs crackers, brie cheese.
Bread sauce, mushy peas.
Celebrations, Quality Street.
Mince pies, cold cut meat.
Bourbon Whiskey, Queen's speech.
Milk Tray, bells of sleigh.
Hot chocolate, cinnamon.
Food addiction.
Turkey dinner, turkey roll,
Egg Nog, White Russian.
Mint matchstick, stupid hat.
Christmas cracker, Gail Platt.
Home Alone, forced fun
The king Jack Skellington.
Buck's Fizz, Yule tide log.
Cluedo, Wanky Bob.
The same thing every year.
Feuding families, festive cheer.
Miniature Heroes all the way.
Counting down til' New Year's Day.
So let's all sing along to the Christmas Fong.
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Ding Dong Probably Neath, UK
South Wales Only Hardcore Band
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